Жарти та кумедні історії про школу англійською. Jokes about school

Пропоную вам підбірку дитячих англійських жартів, основна тема яких — школа, уроки і відносини з вчителями. Ці англійські жарти прості і добрі і призначені для дітей.

 

When Jane came back home after her first day at school, her mother asked:

“Well, darling, what did they teach you?”

“Not much,” answered the little girl, “i’ve got to go there again tomorrow.”

***

“I can’t understand how it’s possible for one person to make such a lot of mistakes in a short essay.”

“It isn’t one person, sir, Father helped me.”

***

The teacher: “didn’t Johnny Grey help you do these sums, Billy?”

Billy: “No, miss, he didn’t.”

The teacher: “Billy, are you sure he didn’t help you?”

Billy: “No, miss, he didn’t help me he did them all by himself.”

***

The teacher: “Jimmy, can you tell me what a fishing-net is made of?”

Jimmy: “A lot of little holes tied together with string.”

***

The teacher: “Ann, what animal eats least?”

Ann: “The moth. It eats nothing but holes.”

***

“Billy, you should wipe your mouth after a meal. I can see what you had for breakfast today.”

“What was it, Mr. Brown?”

“Eggs.”

“Oh, no, sir! That was yesterday!”

***

A teacher was telling his pupils about the four seasons. “And now, who can tell me the best time for picking fruit?”

“When the dog is tied up.”

***

The Inspector was asking questions in a class of small country girls and boys.

“Well, and now, who can tell me what cow hide is good for.”

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A boy: “For making footballs.”

The Inspector: “Very good.”

Another boy: “For making shoes.”

The Inspector: “that’s right.” Then he asked a small girl who was thinking hard. “Well, my dear, what do you think cow hide is good for?”

The girl: “For holding the cow together, sir.”

***

“Dad, why do they call our mother language-tongue?”

“Well, don’t you hear who uses it most?”

***

“Jim, spell the word cigarette.”

“Well, sir, Father doesn’t let me smoke, and i’m sure he wouldn’t like me even to spell the word cigarette.”

***

In a history textbook it was written, “In 1847-48 potatoes were the only food of the Irish peasants.”

A boy in class read it as follows: “In 1847, forty-eight potatoes were the only food of the Irish peasants.”

***

A teacher was explaining fractions to his class of girls and boys. After having written several examples on the blackboard, he asked a boy whether he would prefer one-fifth or one-eighth of a lemon.

“I’d prefer one-eighth, sir.”

Then the teacher began to explain that again though the fraction one-eighth looked larger than the fraction one-fifth, it was really the smaller of the two.

“I know that, sir. I don’t like lemons!”

***

The School Board in a country district heard that discipline was bad in one of the schools. The Inspector, a tall, strong man, said he would teach them a lesson.

He drove to the school and heard a lot of noise in one of the classrooms. He went in and threw out the biggest boy. The class began to laugh.

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“What are you laughing at?”

“Sir, you’ve thrown out the only one of us who never gives any trouble to the teachers.”

***

The Professor: “And so we find that X is equal to zero.” The Student: “Oh, dear, so much work for nothing!”

***

The Professor: “Can you tell me something about the great inventors of the 19th century?”

The Student: “Oh, yes, of course, they are all dead, sir.”

***

Т?е Student: “Well, sir, I don’t think I deserve a zero.”

The Professor: “Neither do I, but you see, it’s the lowest mark i’m allowed to give to a student.”

***

The Professor: “You missed my lecture yesterday, didn’t you?”

The Student: “Not at all, sir, not at all!”

The Professor: “Is the question too difficult for you?”

The Student: “Oh, no, sir, not at all! It’s the answer that is.”

***

The Professor: “Oxygen is necessary to life. Nothing could live without oxygen. It was discovered a century ago.” The Student: “i’d like to know how they had managed before it was discovered.”

***

The Student: “what’s the date of today, sir?”

The Professor: “Never mind the date. The answers to the questions are far more important.

The Student: “Well, sir, I wanted to have at least one thing right on my paper.”

***

The Professor: “Smith, what does HNO mean?”

Smith: “Just a minute, sir, I know… I know, i’ve got it right on the tip of my tongue!” The Professor: “Well, you’d better spit it out at once. It’s poison.”

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